18 April 2007

How to Install a Kitchen Sink

Save Money-- do your own home improvements!!
Just follow these easy steps and you'll be slurping up the water from a fresh sink in no time.

1. Watch chirpy blonde lady on internet video install a sink in 7 minutes. Have her assure you that it is about a 1 hour project. Figure on double, no, triple the time.
2. Armed with the knowledge that if chirpy blonde lady can do it, you can too, take trip to local home improvement store.
3. Once at the store, marvel at the many selections. Pick out beautiful black granite sink and shiny new chrome faucet, all while trying to entertain bored and squirmy 11 month old.
4. Forget to buy the p-trap, drain hook-ups, plumber's putty, or anythink else you actually need to install said sink.
5. Remove old sink. Be sure to start the project the day before you leave for a weekend trip. You have plenty of time for this small project. Give up trying to remove the disposal. Be mostly grossed out by what has been sitting in your pipes.
6. Drill hole in new sink for the sprayer attachment that came with the faucet. Feel the pride that comes from a job well done. Bask in that pride...it's not gonna last.
7. ** Place new sink into old hole. Smile in approval at how nice it looks in the new counter top. Wrinkle your brow in dismay when you realize that there's no way the pipes are going to fit. Curse chirpy blonde for leading you astray.
8. Call plumber.
9. Call 7 or 8 more plumbers until you find one that can, indeed, come today to put in your sink. Curse chirpy blonde once more.
10. Wait for plumber. When he arrives, he'll tell you that your mid-80s ranch was not plumbed for this particular type of sink. In fact, he'll tell you that the only way this beautiful granite sink with the deep off-set bowls is ever going to work in your kitchen is if he tears out the dishwasher and some cabinets, cuts into the wall, and moves the plumbing down--a job that will run at least $500.
11. Thank plumber for his time. Write him a check for his time.
12. Bang head against wall.
13. Go to different home improvement store to buy yet another sink. Wilt a little when you realize only the stainless steel sinks will work. There will be no black granite in your future.
14. Buy second sink. Also buy a coke, because by now the main water valve in the house has been off all day and you are dying of thirst.
15. Take sink home and vow that you will conquer.
16. **Try to fit sink into old hole. Curse chirpy blonde when it will not fit.
17. Get creative. Pull out the old hammer and bend the part that is just a fraction of a fraction of a millimeter too wide.
18. Shout joyously when you finally force the *%#?@ thing into the hole.
19.** Proceed with plumbing. Attach the drains openings to the bowls. Hook up P-trap # 1. Victory!!
20. ** Open the disposal you just bought and realize that it isn't wired yet. Learn how to wire an appliance fast.
21. Attach disposal. Victory!!
22. Begin to attach final drain. Realize that you are about 1/2 off and need another part.
23. Stop what you are doing. You need to pack. You need to eat. You need to get on a plane in less than 12 hours.
24. Go on trip. Have fabulous time. Worry that your house is filling either with water or sewer gass while you're gone. (tell no one about this worry--especially not the husband/partner/cat)
25. Return from trip and go back to visit your new friends at the hardware store. Ahhh....so good to have friends.
26. Get home and realize part that they gave you won't work.
27. Return to hardware store to buy a different part.
28. See 26
29. Give up.
30. Call nice plumber back again.
31. Wait for plumber to arrive.
32. Watch plumber use the parts you already had to install the rest of the sink.
33. Pay plumber yet again.
34. Enjoy Sink.
35. Have husband return home and ask if it wouldn't be better if the disposal was on the other side.
36. Fight urge to kill him.

So there you have it. 2 sinks, 2 plumbers 15 (literally) trips to the hardware store, 4 broken nails, 1 sore back, and a whole lot of shot nerves later, you too can save money and feel the pride of doing your own home improvements!

** stop what you are doing. Realize that you are missing a part. Run over to the very very local hardware store. Try not to be too embarrassed when even the next shift who has never met you knows who you are and what you are up to.

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Love this!! We are installing a sink and looking for directions and yours came up.