14 May 2007

In Honor of Mother's Day

10 suprises about being a mother:

10. Pregnancy sucks. At least for me it did. Why did I want to do it again?
9. Labor suck more. Hypnobirthing my ass. It's not pressue--it's definitely, definitely pain.
8. Newborns are cute, but that's about it. They poop, yurp, wake up at 3 AM--and they don't even have the courtesy to look at you much less smile.
7. All I can say is, thank God breast milk doesn't stain. Little man was a veritable fountain. Thar he blows!
6. Despite being a good little postmodernist who knows that gender and gender roles are all constructs founded on an archaic patriarchal ideology, the guilt about not being a good enough mother is absolutely gut wrenching.
5. Men don't get mommy guilt....why did I think he would?? Men don't even really comprehend mommy guilt.
4. Dropping him off at daycare that first day didn't bother me; knowing he took his first steps to someone else felt awful.
3. A 1-year old doesn't understand that "please" is different than "gimme-it-now!" So much for politeness...
2. There is nothing funnier or more endearing than a naked toddler walking around trying to find mama while papa tries to put his clothes on after the evening bath.
1. Mother's day rocks. Spa day, here I come.

05 May 2007

An Open Letter to President Bush

Dear Dumb Ass,

I recently read that you said you would veto any legislation that eroded the restrictions on abortions. You said, "I will veto any legislation that weakens current federal policies and laws on abortion, or that encourages the destruction of human life at any stage." Ummmm....and who's responsible for this war we're in? Or don't the lives of our service men and women or Iraqis count?? And who was it that denied countless pardons to death row inmates??

Oh wait, I know this one-- YOU!

See, nobody likes abortion, but at least some people realize that life doesn't end once it leaves the womb.

Damn I'm sick of this administration. Maybe when you're done playing doctor with the bodies of millions of women you could get back to solving the problem of world peace...or world hunger... or poverty...or racism....or...

What? None of those were really on your to-do list?