14 May 2007

In Honor of Mother's Day

10 suprises about being a mother:

10. Pregnancy sucks. At least for me it did. Why did I want to do it again?
9. Labor suck more. Hypnobirthing my ass. It's not pressue--it's definitely, definitely pain.
8. Newborns are cute, but that's about it. They poop, yurp, wake up at 3 AM--and they don't even have the courtesy to look at you much less smile.
7. All I can say is, thank God breast milk doesn't stain. Little man was a veritable fountain. Thar he blows!
6. Despite being a good little postmodernist who knows that gender and gender roles are all constructs founded on an archaic patriarchal ideology, the guilt about not being a good enough mother is absolutely gut wrenching.
5. Men don't get mommy guilt....why did I think he would?? Men don't even really comprehend mommy guilt.
4. Dropping him off at daycare that first day didn't bother me; knowing he took his first steps to someone else felt awful.
3. A 1-year old doesn't understand that "please" is different than "gimme-it-now!" So much for politeness...
2. There is nothing funnier or more endearing than a naked toddler walking around trying to find mama while papa tries to put his clothes on after the evening bath.
1. Mother's day rocks. Spa day, here I come.

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